The Adventures of JB

Dear World, I’m Tired of Being Ashamed

Dear world, I’m really tired of being ashamed

The truth is I’ve lived with it for most of my life. Oh there are moments when it doesn’t hurt as much, but that doesn’t change the fact that shame is always there.

The crazy thing is I have no real reason to be ashamed

  1. I work hard
  2. I’m constantly looking for other ways to help others
  3. I respond to stress in a positive way [1]
  4. And I’ve committed my life to sharing the Gospel with people in another culture

So why am I so ashamed when I fall asleep at night? Simply because my life isn’t like everybody elses

see we have created a culture through media (tv, movies) and our friends that describes in detail what a person should be like.

  1. You should be married and have children
  2. Have a full time job
  3. A healthy social life
  4. And incredibly busy schedule that has absolutely no free time

Here’s the thing…my life isn’t like that

  1. I’m in my late thirties and single
  2. As a Missionary I don’t have a regular nine to five job since all of my time is focused on ministry (I do work incredibly hard, but not in a regular job)
  3. To be honest I’m kind of an introvert so the social life isn’t too strong
  4. And being on my own means actually having free time every once in a while

So without even thinking about it I become kind of ashamed and reclusive sometimes.

But not anymore

Because I realized our cultures emphasis on being just like eveyone else focuses my mind only on the things I CAN’T do. Instead of the awesome things that I CAN do.

  1. I am a personal tutor to children with special needs
  2. A comedic actor
  3. A entertainer [2]
  4. A Ghost Story teller
  5. An invaluable source of tech help [3]
  6. A marathon runner
  7. A silly uncle

Sadly there are many people out there like me who don’t fit into the idea of what people should be like, but we tend to hide our uniqueness [4]

Which makes me wonder…what would happen if all us decided to embrace our uniqueness instead of trying to hide it?

Look I understand there is a need for growth and development. But I’m done being embarrassed just because I am different than everyone else.

Because there is only one of me
And that’s alright as far as I’m concerned

  1. It does bring pain of course, but I choose to deal with the problem instead of running from it  ↩
  2. someone who loves being in front of large crowds  ↩
  3. you can just ask my parents  ↩
  4. shame can do that to a person  ↩
Teaching Structure to Children

How to Teach a Child Discipline In a Non-Physical Way

Every Tuesday afternoon I’m involved with an after-school Bible program at a local school for first and second graders. I am aware this is a worst nightmare for some people, but I actually enjoy it [1].

What I don’t necessarily enjoy is bringing structure to the group.

Structure is the process of getting a group of young people under control using a reward or consequences system [2].

This usually takes time since some children don’t have a concept of consequences when doing the wrong thing, but after a few weeks they start to understand.

This year has been a lot harder since our group has twenty-four first and second graders in a very small room [3]

Being in this situation has reminded me that many of us (myself included) don’t really know how to teach children structure without using physical discipline [4].  So today I want to share some ideas on how to do it.

With that in mind here are some things that DON’T bring structure:

  1. Yelling at the child (it just confuses them)
  2. Embarrassing the child (James you have been doing the wrong thing all class!)
  3. Threatening the child (if you don’t stop I will)
  4. Any kind of touching (includes putting a hand on their shoulder)

While not perfect, here is an idea of the step by step process we are using in our after-school Bible program

Step One: Create a clear understanding of rules at the beginning (for us it’s if you get three warnings you don’t get any candy) and remind children during the class time.

A good practice is allowing the children to tell you the rules (what happens if Mr. John gets three warnings?)

Step Two: If a student is disobeying give them a verbal warning in a very calm voice by name (James that’s one). This can also be an opportunity to remind them of what will happen if they get two more warnings.

While this can embarrass the child, doing it in a  calm voice and in a very short sentence makes it less difficult for them

Step Three: Second warning involves moving their chair to another area of the room. Teacher sits with the child (making sure to look them right in the eyes), explains why they are there, and reminds them of what will happen if they continue to disobey

Editors note: Child is allowed to return their chair to a different spot after five minutes

Step Four: If child continues to disobey they are given a final verbal reprimand in a very calm voice (okay james that’s three). It isn’t necessary to explain what that means because he knows he won’t get candy.

Step Five: If child loses their candy two weeks in a row, then they aren’t allowed to sit with their friends. Instead the teacher or worker will choose a seat for them [5].

This is how you control twenty four first and second graders

A photo posted by australianmissionary (@australianmissionary) on Oct 10, 2014 at 4:59am PDT

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This kind of a system does involve a lot of work. I am pretty much the muscle (okay you can stop laughing now) during our whole Bible program.  But it’s absolutely necessary…because children don’t understand the “If I do bad things then there will be consequences” concept.

  1. Because they experience discipline done in anger, or without a clear explanation of WHY they are disciplined
  2. Their parents promise of discipline often aren’t followed through.        Editors note: Just so we are clear I am not blaming the parents for this structure problem. Creating an understanding of it takes lots of extra time and energy, which unfortunately few of us have.  In reality there is often a need for individuals outside the parents (school teacher, family member) to help children understand these concepts.
  3. Discipline seems to come out of nowhere (not really, but there needs to be a system that REMINDS the child of the coming consequences)
  4. And it’s very easy to show love and give a child a reward even when they don’t deserve it

There is of course a place for physical discipline when dealing with children. But it’s hugely important we first create a system that teaches them right from wrong…and if they freely choose to do the wrong thing there will be consequences

  1. The Lord has blessed me with a love for helping young children, and an ability to connect with them  ↩
  2. For instance if your good you get candy (reward) but if you aren’t then you don’t get candy (consequence)  ↩
  3. It’s been three weeks and they are STARTING to get it  ↩
  4. Trust me I am a proponent of physical disicipline (my parents are also big fans) but there are instances where we can’t use it. So it’s important for us to understand how to bring structure without any physical action  ↩
  5. Often the problem is the people they sit with laughing at everything a child does  ↩
Marathon Training

Why I’m Going To Enjoy Running a Marathon

Last Saturday I ran with a friend who recently completed the New York City Marathon (and instantly became my hero). As you can imagine we spent a lot of time talking about her experience, and one thing she said stuck in my mind.

According to her the first eighteen miles “just flew by”

Just so you know, that isn’t the normal response

I remember what she said while having lunch with friends yesterday. One of them told me about a couple who decided to run a marathon, and had a very different experience.

Around mile eighteen she started vomiting heavily and it took her about an hour to get started again

Hearing two very different stories during the same weekend had a strong effect on me. Personally I expect myself to be somewhere in the middle [1]

Obviously there is a big difference between running strong and puking your brains out, but the question is what makes that difference.

The answer is quite simple…practicing running longer distances

See for the last eighteen weeks my training group has met at 6:15 Saturday morning (usually) for the groups long run.

How long a run you may ask? Well let me put it this way, just on Saturdays we ran around 253 miles combined.

Oh wait it gets better…

In the month of October my Saturday runs looked like this:

  1. Eighteen miles
  2. Fourteen miles (including every hill in Winston Salem)
  3. Twenty miles
  4. Twenty-Two miles

If you multiply all of our Saturday miles by the average time it takes to run one (and divide by sixty) you come up with about forty-two hours spent just running on Saturdays.

The reason why people don’t run marathons (or get in shape) isn’t because we are all just incredibly lazy. It’s because of the huge committment required [2].

That’s why it’s easy to approach something like fitness and think “you know I could probably get by with doing less”

Don’t do it

You will find yourself puking on the side of the road instead of finishing strong.

It’s far better to count the cost, make a conscious decision about whether or not you can do this, and follow through to the end.

I was talking with my brother (who is also running the marathon) on Saturday and he encouraged me to “just enjoy the race.”

And as crazy as it may sound…I think I will

  1. The miles won’t fly by, but I won’t be revisiting my breakfast either  ↩
  2. when you spend three to four hours running every Saturday it takes lots of time away from your family  ↩
Marathon Training, The Adventures of JB

Why I Put The Donut Down…Again

This week I made a drastic change that will not only affect my ministry, put personal life, and help the return to Australia. It’s something that’s needed to be done for a long time but I kept putting it off.  This week that finally came to a stop.

What is this huge decision?

No more buying snacks

Over the years I’ve developed a habit of buying cheap snacks during the day costing one or two dollars. It began with 59-cent donuts at Walmart, but has since grown to include fruit pies, potato chips, and goldfish among other things

Most people stop buying these kinds of snacks because they are unhealthy but that isn’t necessarily my problem. You would be amazed at how much junk food a person can eat while training for a marathon [1].

The change came as I looked at my expenses for the month of October and was shocked how many fit into the “junk food” category. Those transactions showed just how much power snacks had over me.

The problem with cheap junk food is you don’t really think about buying it because they are only a few dollars. However it’s surprising how quickly those two-dollar expenses can add up

Please don’t think I’m against junk food (trust me I am a huge fan). However more than ever before it’s important for us to be careful with our money [2].

And though most of us do a great job of evaluating larger expenses, it’s easy to overlook that sixty-cent donut (or how many of them we buy in a month).

In the end I want my money to be invested in things that really matter

  1. Like sharing the Gospel of Christ with others
  2. Ministering the needs of families who are financially struggling
  3. Offering services for free that people would normally pay for
  4. And helping those in foreign Countries who don’t have what we enjoy

In order to do this things like junk food have to go

  1. The cherry pies
  2. The Pepsi
  3. The Chips
  4. The Crackers
  5. And yes even the donuts

It will be a sacrifice but I think that I’ll live.

  1. the marathon diet goes like this…run twenty-two miles, and then eat whatever you want  ↩
  2. this is particularly true for Christians who are comanded to glorify God wtih finances  ↩
John Wilburn Missionary to Melbourne, The Adventures of JB

Why I Don’t Fall Asleep Watching Netflix Anymore

My day usually ends with me lying in bed watching Netflix at around 9:30.  Now there’s nothing wrong with watching some television after a long day, however starting tonight I’m going to start doing things much differently.

Instead of lying in bed and just watching a show I will watch it actively sitting in a chair or on the couch trying to discover the worldview it is teaching

This change in philosophy came from reading a book called “Meaning At The Movies” by Grant Horner.

What makes this book interesting is Mr. Horner doesn’t spend time focusing on the kind of movies we shouldn’t watch, but instead challenges individuals to discern what they are watching [1].

The point is that while half-asleep in my bed I’m definitey not actively discerning anything [2] instead I am just a passive consumer.

Mr. Horner points out that instead of being consumers Christians should be the best cultural critics…sadly most of (myself included) just crash in front of the tv.

”Christians should be the very best film viewers—the very best cultural critics, in fact—because we have the potential capability to discern truth from error and also to understand the real purpose of enjoyment of human creativity, which is to glorify God by practicing discernment [3]”

Okay so how can we become discerning viewers of television or movies? Here are a few ideas.

  1. Watch it in a place where you will not fall asleep [4]
  2. If possible watch it on a mobile device like a phone or tablet, since this allows you to focus directly on the program
  3. If you are watching it on a tv make sure mobile devices aren’t used during the program [5]
  4. Watching something that can be paused is useful because it allows you to stop and ask yourself questions.
  5. Watching a tv season from beginning to end helps because you see the complete storyline (the directors view of what the world should be like)
  6. And of course if something is teaching a wrong worldview then don’t watch it

It can be confusing trying to find a worldview in programs so let me share Horner’s definition of one.

“Who believes what about what and why?[6]”

**Put another way; what do they believe about the world, and what is their reason for it?

*Of course this may not be incredibly clear, however the important thing is the we become a generation of people who think seriously about what the worldviews our minds consume.

  1. the subtitle is “becoming a discerning viewer”  ↩
  2. asking what the media teaches me and why  ↩
  3. Horner, Grant (2010–06–15). Meaning at the Movies: Becoming a Discerning Viewer (p. 64). Crossway. Kindle Edition.  ↩
  4. sitting in a chair or around others  ↩
  5. I’m very guilty of playing games on the iPad while the tv is on  ↩
  6. Horner, Grant (2010–06–15). Meaning at the Movies: Becoming a Discerning Viewer (p. 61). Crossway. Kindle Edition.  ↩