(I Kings 19:13) Escaping the Cave of Isolation and Depression

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1Kings 19:13 And it was so, when Elijah heard it, that he wrapped his face in his mantle, and went out, and stood in the entering in of the cave. And, behold, there came a voice unto him, and said, What doest thou here, Elijah?

1Kings 19:14 And he said, I have been very jealous for the LORD God of hosts: because the children of Israel have forsaken thy covenant, thrown down thine altars, and slain thy prophets with the sword; and I, even I only, am left; and they seek my life, to take it away.

Every Christian no matter how strong or faithful will end up having bad days from time to time, and missionaries or pastors are obviously no exception.  In fact, I would say those on the front lines of ministry experience more of these since Satan wants them to give up, and walk away from God’s calling.

Sadly this mean that discouragement, and even depression are a part of ministry (editors note:  I am referring here not to “clinical depression” but intense emotional responses to frustrating or depressing situations such as loneliness, apathy, anger, or isolation from others).

Since God in His sovereignty has created me as an incredibly emotional person I’m used to experiencing this kind of depression on days when things don’t go well (have at least two “bad days” a month).  And believe it or not that’s good news, because my response to those kinds of situations has changed drastically.

Normally the blah’s (what I call my depression) comes from a few different sources

  1. There wasn’t a lot of face to face ministry (evangelism, discipleship)
  2. The children raised lots of discipline problems
  3. Or the heat got to me (I’ve learned that lots of walking in the early afternoon will do a number on my body, and open the door for blah’s)

Over time I could feel the blah’s coming and would respond

  1. With comfort food (extra crispy french fries)
  2. Netflix
  3. Nap in an air-conditioned room
  4. Or listening to music

now there’s nothing really wrong with these things, but they focus on isolation (drawing more into myself) instead of drawing closer to God.

Elijah chapters eighteen and nineteen are one of the greatest contrasts in all of one Scripture.  One chapter sees Elijah courageously standing up to 400 prophets of Baal, the other sees him asking God for death (19:4) because there was nobody else who followed God (19:14).  Elijah eventually traveled to Horeb  (19:9) and God met him there.  He probably thought that the Lord would give an encouraging word since Jezebel had promised to kill him (19:1-2) but instead God asks a question.

What are you doing here Elijah?

God actually asks the same question twice (19:9, 19:13) and Elijah in response says “you aren’t being fair to me!” (paraphrase of 19:10, 19:14).  Evidently he felt that after the victory over Baals priests everything would work out, and was upset this didn’t happen.

That question “what are you doing here?” stuck in my head as I read it in devotions this morning.  Probably because I could hear God asking me the same question when my blah’s lead me to laziness or apathy instead of His presence.

Why are you here John?

  • Why are you watching that rerun of “Everybody loves Raymond” instead of reading my Word?
  • Why are you laying in bed instead of spending time in prayer?
  • Why are you filling yourself with comfort food instead of sharing the burden of your heart with trusted friends?
  • Why are you hiding in the cave of isolation instead of seeking me?

Now let me be clear there’s definitely a place in life for air-conditioned naps, netflix, and comfort food (some days you need all three), and of course there is always a need for rest in our schedule.  yet our emotional responses to life are tools of God to remind us of our brokenness, and our need of Him.  In a way even the blah’s are a picture of the Gospel as I confess (again) no amount of work or human strength can bring me happiness.  

This afternoon during lunch I got emotional while watching a Garfield cartoon (don’t judge) as the blah’s caught up with me (combination of really hot days, and lack of ministry opportunities).  I made sure to take a nap in the air-conditioning after lunch, but not till after holding my hands out in prayer to the one who uses my moments of depression for His glory.

When God Provides Luxuries

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When I came back to Barrouaillie in May two barrels that had been sent three weeks before were waiting for me.  The Lord actually worked it out that they arrived and were cleared the day I got into the Country, so I just had to pick them up from the Church!  These barrels were filled with things that were essential for life and ministry in SVG.

  1. Clothing
  2. Books
  3. Dishes, pots, and pans
  4. Appliances (popcorn popper, microwave, toaster oven)
  5. Sheets and towels
  6. And of course a tv 🙂

Along with those essential items there were some “non-essentials” that to be perfectly honest didn’t make the cut since sending these barrels can be an expensive process after clearing customs.  Most of these would fit in the “food category” like extra coffee, big containers of Gatorade powder (helps in a hot climate), protein powder, snack bars, and cereal.  Most of these things can be found in St. Vincent, but they just end up costing too much.

Lucky Charms

Editors note:  This would be around $10 US, still too much 🙂

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and $21 US for a small bag of Starbucks coffee

The thing is a person can live without luxuries like microwave popcorn, your favorite breakfast cereal, and coffee (editors note  I do drink Folgers and Maxwel House in SVG but that doesn’t deserve to be called “coffee”).  In fact after a while y0u don’t miss those things!  There were moments when I thought “man it would be nice to have a nice smoothie right now!” but to be honest it feels a little bit selfish to send over a barrel full of luxury items…

Until now

Every year the Saint Vincent government allows barrels to clear customs for a very cheap price (around $30 of their currency) instead of hundreds of dollars it would normally cost.  The moment someone explained that to me Saturday morning I began compiling a wish list on Amazon 🙂

For me this barrel of luxury items means God not only cares about our serious needs, or secondary needs, but even the things we can live without.  And occasionally He reminds us that the God who gives us the breath to live, takes great joy in providing Lucky Charms too.

Why I Don’t Lead Children in the Sinners Prayer

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Yesterday afternoon I sat on my front porch with a girl who attends Church regularly, and shared the Gospel using a flip chart of God’s Bridge to Eternal Life (one of my favorite tracts).  The last page has a picture of man’s side (in sin) and God’s side (saved) and after explaining the ONLY WAY to get to God’s side is believing in Jesus I asked her “Stephanie (not her real name) which side are you on right now?”  Slowly she reached out and pointed to mans side.

This actually didn’t surprise me since even though Stephanie knew all of the Bible answers, I had never heard her give a clear testimony of Salvation.  And the truth is five or six other children who regularly visit faced with the same question would tell me they were going to hell.  My response to that answer has changed quite a bit since coming to Barrouaillie a year ago.

When I began ministering to children a confession they were going to hell would lead to a clearer presentation of the Gospel, and encouragement to accept Christ. The Lord has since showed me this response leads to a prayer, but rarely genuine belief.

Last summer while washing bottles for VBS I had a conversation with Stephanie’s brother that went something like this:

  • Me:  Have you ever accepted Jesus as your Savior?
  • Him:  Yes I have
  • Me:  That’s great!  Could you tell me about it?
  • Him:  Well I prayed a prayer
  • Me:  What did you tell God in that prayer?
  • Him:  I don’t remember
  • Me:  Oh okay, so can you tell me anything about the day when you prayed that prayer?
  • Him:  (after telling me three separate stories about it) No I guess not

Now it is possible that this child is genuinely saved.  But the fact that he can’t tell me about the prayer or what led to it leads me to believe he’s one of the many children who “prayed a prayer” and believed it saved him when it hadn’t.

One of the greatest mistakes I’ve made in children’s ministry is leading them in whats sometimes referred to as a “sinners prayer.”  This is where any children who want to accept Jesus are encouraged to pray after me, and then are told if they truly meant that they are saved.  While it IS POSSIBLE for children to be saved after doing this experience teaches us most haven’t accepted Christ.

There are a few reasons for this

  1. They pray because everyone else is doing it
  2. They are praying because they can tell I want them to do it
  3. Or their minds don’t fully comprehend what it means to believe in Jesus

So I’ve stopped leading children in the sinners prayer…

because my greatest fear is they will stand before God someday and their reason for entering Heaven is “I prayed a prayer with Mr. John” instead of a personal relationship with Jesus Christ.

Instead of praying with them I tell the children “when you are ready to accept Jesus as your Savior you come see Mr. John.”  This helps ensure the Holy Spirit is the one who draws them, and Salvation is a choice THEY MAKE instead of one I force upon them.

It’s true that this makes Salvation difficult (a big step of commitment for the child) but in my personal opinion this brings greater glory to God.  I would rather have one boy or girl who seeks me out and asks to receive Jesus than ten or fifteen whose Salvation I have doubts about.

I’m not saying that isn’t frustrating because it definitely is.  There are many children in Barrouaillie who are VERY CLOSE to accepting Jesus, but don’t quite understand what it means to believe in Him yet.  One boy in particular will literally stretch out his arms as a symbol of Christ dying on the cross when I ask him what Jesus did for us, but when I ask what belief means he responds “telling God your sorry.”

It would be so easy for me to say that’s “close enough” and pray that someday the Lord would help him understand Salvation involves more than just repentance, but what if that doesn’t happen?  What if he spends eternity separated from Christ because I said “close enough?”

Yesterday I explained to Stephanie that someday God would convict her heart of sin, and show her need of Jesus, and on that day told her to come find me.  “Any day?” she asked looking up at me with large brown eyes, with all my heart I wanted to lead her to Christ right then and there, but because it had to be HER CHOICE all I did was smile and say “yes Stephanie any day.”

The God Who Cares about Skin Irritation

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Matt. 6:31 Therefore take no thought, saying, What shall we eat? or, What shall we drink? or, Wherewithal shall we be clothed?
Matt. 6:32 (For after all these things do the Gentiles seek:) for your heavenly Father knoweth that ye have need of all these things.

Editors note:  This is meant to be a contrast with my post earlier this week what My anxiety tells people about God.  While the first post speaks towards of our responses to great needs (God cannot meet them) this one discusses smaller needs (this cannot be important to God).

About a month ago while getting out of the shower one morning I noticed some red marks up and down the inside of my left arm.  I didn’t really bother me at first (just thought it was heat rash) but then the spots showed up on my right arm, and began developing on the back of both hands.  Most of the time it didn’t cause discomfort, but when I sweat the rashes seemed to itch and become inflamed.

God in His wisdom has created me with as a very strong-willed (stubborn) person.  This character trait gives the determination to succeed on the mission field, but it also means that I never..ever ask for help. So of course instead of asking for assistance with the rash or going to the doctor I just decided to “wait it out.”  Even after the rash continued to grow on my legs and upper part of my chest I didn’t do anything about it.

Finally Monday morning while working on sermons I noticed the red spots looking darker than usual and swallowing my pride, went to the local clinic.  It only took about five-minutes for the nurse to tell me it wasn’t an infection, but an allergic reaction to the kind of soap I had been using.  After switching brands and using some Hydrocortisone my rash has healed considerably.   

Much of our needs are like that skin irritation, you know it’s not a serious problem so it is ignored while the more  “pressing needs” of life are dealt with.  So we keep pushing it back over and over till finally it demands to be dealt with.  Even more dangerous than this procrastinating though is the way these needs affect our relationship with God.

Whether consciously or subconsciously we organize our needs into different groups.  Group A is the big needs we need help with, Group B is the one that we can take care of ourselves.  In a way this is healthy since we can deal with most of life’s drama on our own, but it’s also unhealthy because we only ask God for help with the bigger things.

In other words we come to God with our daily needs and say; “okay Father today I will need help with this, and this, and oh this need right here.  But don’t worry I’ve got everything else covered!”

This may seem like humility but in reality it’s an act of rebellion because we (I) tell God what parts of my life need help and what parts don’t.  Even worse we act as if the smaller needs of life don’t matter to God even though Scripture tells us we are His children.

My mother texted me this afternoon and immediately asked why I hadn’t told her and dad about my skin rash.  I told her it wasn’t serious and her exact response was “you share everything!” (exclamation point added).  Her point was as my parents they wanted to know EVERY need in my life even if it was having to change the type of soap I used because I developed a rash.  And in the same way my loving father is offended when I say “oh this isn’t important enough for you to know about I can handle it.”

Does this mean we panic over the small needs of life?  Of course not!  However we can rest in the fact that our father delights when we bring to Him our skin irritations along with the pressing needs of life.

When the Mission Field Becomes Religious Acts 17:22

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Acts 17:22 ¶ Then Paul stood in the midst of Mars’ hill, and said, Ye men of Athens, I perceive that in all things ye are too superstitious.

Though I’ve only been a missionary for a short time (seven years) how missions is done has changed a lot since 2007.  One of the biggest changes is an interesting reversal from going from a religious country (America) to a non-religious one (mission field).

Missions in past generations involved going to places where people had no knowledge of God, and never heard the Gospel.  Today in most cases missionaries go to places filled with Churches, and people who can quote the Romans road by heart.

The truly frightening thing is the roles seem to have been reversed; now the formerly religious nation (America) is becoming more and more pagan, while the formerly pagan nations are becoming more and more religious.

Because mission fields are becoming more religious it’s important for all of us (not just missionaries) to know how to approach them Biblically.  Few passages are better for this than Acts 17.

After unbelieving Jews stirred up Churches where Paul had been preaching in Athens (17:12-13) he was immediately taken to Athens to wait in safety for Timothy and Silas (17:14-15).  While waiting in Athens however Paul was burdened over the idolatry (worship of other Gods) he saw (17:16) and began sharing the Gospel (17:17).

It’s interesting to notice how the people of Athens responded.

  1. The message of the Gospel created discussion (17:18)
  2. So they ASKED PAUL TO EXPLAIN THE GOSPEL (17:19)
  3. Confessing they didn’t understand the Gospel and wanted to know more (17:20)
  4. And even gathered the whole town to hear Paul preach Christ at the Areopagus (Mars Hill)

All of this leads to Paul in 17:22 saying that they were very “religious” (editors note-I prefer this translation which is held by most Bible versions to the KJV translation of “superstitious” because it fits better in the context).

This Biblical picture of religious unsaved is helpful because it allows us to understand those in mission fields will probably respond to our presentation of the Gospel with respect and genuine interest instead of disgust or violent rejection.  In fact they could respond with a testimony of Salvation like a young lady who told me a few weeks ago she was going to Heaven because she was “God’s child” (even though she didn’t know how to become one).

There is a danger in this because we can easily mistake religion for genuine belief in God….and there is obviously a HUGE difference.

In the case of Acts 17 the people of Athens were only interested in learning about a new religion not really believing in God (17:21).  With the religious mission field emphasis is placed on having knowledge of the Gospel instead of genuine belief.  In other words people have the right Bible answers  and believe that head-knowledge is enough to save them.

Thankfully missionaries rarely encounter mission fields where people respond to the Gospel with hatred and persecution…but we do encounter ones where people respond with just head knowledge which is just as dangerous