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Saying Goodbye to My American Weight

My first night in Barrouaille, at least ten pounds ago

I was having lunch with a friend Monday and we started discussing the differences between life in the US and the island (he had been a college student there). One of the biggest differences we noticed about people who come from America to the island is massive weight loss.

This is due to a number of things; heat and lack of air conditioning leading to sweating weight off, the only main thing to drink being water, lack of fast-food restaurants or large grocery stores nearby, and people doing a lot more walking (particularly where I am in Barrouaille).

While all of these things contributed, the greatest in my opinion is the lack of cheap junk-food

Gone were the fifty-nine cent donuts at Walmart, and one-dollar bottles of coke or pepsi, replaced by $10 bottles of coke (I’ve yet to see a donut on the island). At first this was difficult to deal with since pastry’s and carbonation are my go to combinations for comfort food . However as I began to lose my “American weight” an amazing thing happened…I found something much better than comfort-food.

Like many people I didn’t so much deal with my emotions as much as they were drowned out or medicated with empty calories I can remember over the summer after a particularly frustrating day I made a trip to the grocery store for a pack of birthday cake oreo’s because it was a “birthday cake oreo kind of day.” At first something that may not seem bad because everyone indulges in food that’s bad for them every once in a while. But a look at my monthly bank statement revealed the number of “oreo or donut runs” was getting out of hand 🙂

I actually didn’t realize just how connected junk food was with my connections till having a bad day on the island and no junk food to placate it

All of us have days when our body pretty much crashes and says “okay your not going to do anything productive today” I had one of those after being in Barrouaille for a week. In hindsight it was a combination of the heat, too much walking, and not setting aside time to rest in the afternoon. Whatever the reason, I was pretty much useless from 3:00 that afternoon on.

In the past that kind of feeling would result in a quick trip to the local Walmart or grocery store for food that would make me feel better. This time however the store fifteen minutes away didn’t have cheap junk food (paying $20 for a bag of oreo’s would have made me feel worse). So instead of turning to my trusty comfort-food I crashed on the bed, rested, and asked God for help.

Though my heart desperately wanted comfort-food in that moment, I’m so thankful God didn’t give it to me.

The reason why is those exhausted days are becoming less and less frequent, and each one less powerful. This is because being away from cheap junk food has made my body stronger (and of course healthier) and able to serve effectively on the island. See donut and oreo John wouldn’t last too long here because he wasn’t ready physically or emotionally for the challenges ahead. But the lack of comfort-food has toughened me up so that I can truly reach the people of Barrouaile.

This doesn’t mean I won’ take full advantage of the food in America after returning. My friend Monday told me about purposely gaining around ten pounds in two-weeks the last time in the States because he knew that he would lose it right away 🙂 But in a deeper sense I’m thankful weariness or discouragement today has me turning towards rest and communion with God instead of food.

Tested Faith: A Study of James

James 2:5 -The God Who Uses Us As We Are

James 2:5 Hearken, my beloved brethren, Hath not God chosen the poor of this world rich in faith, and heirs of the kingdom which he hath promised to them that love him?

Its been over twenty-four years ago, but I still vividly remember the night God transformed my life in a powerful way.

It was Easter Sunday night 1992, and my pastor preached on the need for men and women who would take a real stand for the Lord. God through the Holy Spirit touched my heart as an introverted 9th grader and challenged me to become one of those people.

My response to God (though I’m not proud of it) was that He needed to find someone else since I wasn’t talented enough to be used by Him.

This led to spiritual argument with God on the way home (never a good idea by the way) that involved my listing all of the things required of someone who would be used by Him.

They had to be an extrovert
and good looking (great physical condition)
Extremely intelligent
And able to have a conversation without making themselves look like a moron
Of course I didn’t fit any of the prerequisites so I expected God to simply find somebody else

I am so glad He didn’t 🙂

My argument ended later on that night when I knelt beside a white chair on my parents patio, and gave God control of my life. That moment was a turning point for me because I truly understood I wasn’t worthless, but also that God chooses to use us just as we are.

Of course there is a need for spiritual growth in a persons life. However God didn’t come to me that night and say, “okay John once you become confident, popular, and learn to slam-dunk a basketball come back and see me.” instead He chose to use me for His glory as an introverted non-athlete.

Often we find people who like me have an idea in their mind of the person God will use….and the Lord takes great joy in choosing the ones we don’t expect. The reason for this is of course God looks past a persons personality or abilities and focuses on their heart.

The Lord could see that past my anxiety and inability to hit a three-point shot, and saw a heart that was submissive to Him.

A heart that would willingly leave everything he knew and share the Gospel in other Countries

A heart loved to call children off the street, for a glass of juice and a Bible story

A heart that would take great joy in proclaiming the truths of Scripture

There are many lessons God has taught me over the years, but perhaps the most important is the one He taught me Easter Sunday night 1992…It doesn’t matter what you can or cannot do, what matters is whether or not you have a close relationship with God.

From the Blog

The Conviction of Where My Spare Moments Go

Last Saturday while cleaning the house I decided to start listening to an audio version of “The Inklings” an excellent biography covering the lives of four famous writers (JRR Tokien, CS Lewis, Owen Barfield, and Charles Williams) and regretted it five-minutes later.

The author began describing things that most people would view as life goals; writing of a children’s play and book, learning of languages, creating your own rudimentary language complete with dictionary, and devouring of any classic literature possible.

Tolkien and Lewis were doing it at the age of six or seven

While these accomplishments are partly due to the fact that these men were obviously brilliant, I believe there are deeper reasons for their achieving such amazing things at a young age

The lack of technological tools to take up their time (tv, computer, tablet)
Reading books was an easy way to escape boredom
Love for literature and words from their parents (especially mothers)
And plenty of solitude (Lewis would spend all day in the attic with his brother)

Within these reasons a profound truth is seen that I believe reveals a big reason why these men became such great writers….they created literature or language for fun

Each of us have some things we enjoy doing for fun or relaxation whenever there is free time.

Hang out with friends
Play a video game
Listen to music
Surf the Internet
Crash on the couch to watch tv or Netflix
And check Facebook or Twitter on our phone

Please understand I’m not saying that these are bad things since there is a need in everyone’s life for forms of relaxation. But the fact that a spare ten-minutes would lead me to catch up on Netflix episodes or check facebook while Lewis or Tolkien would reach for paradise lost by Milton is convicting.

This led me last Sunday to think about how much time is spent on social-media, my phone, or Netflix every day. It wasn’t pretty, but helped me realize those minutes invested in these things really added up

While drinking that first cup of coffee
And getting that second (third, fourth) cup of coffee
While my programs load on my computer
While my oatmeal cooks for a minute and a half
During lunch
While cooking supper
During my morning walk through town
And countless other times

With the Lord’s help I’ve begun redeeming these spare moments by reading a book, listening to one, reading scripture, or (Heaven forbid) just being silent.

I’m not saying it’s easy of course. I would much rather be catching up on NCIS while eating breakfast this morning instead of wrestling with what Owen Barfield called the evolution of language, and his “great war” with Lewis over the subject of imagination. But sharpening my mind over oatmeal instead of watching Gibbs slap someone in the back of the head is better in the long run (though I love to see it).

No I will never be at the level of the Inklings (and that’s okay) but I can’t help believe God is honored by my wrestling with deep issues of life while oatmeal cooks

Our Broken Culture

How Playboy Became Boring

Last week the unthinkable happened….playboy decided to no longer include nudity in their magazine. At first this may seem like victory for Christians who fight against pornography until you read what the read the reason for this given by Scott Flanders, their chief executive.

“You’re now one click away from every sex act imaginable for free. And so it’s just passé at this juncture.”

This choice has placed a much-needed emphasis on the danger of online pornography, and by doing so highlighted an incredibly frightening truth explained by Samuel James in his article “The Utter Victory of Online Pornography”

Let the reader understand: This is happening not because people find Playboy offensive or immoral, but because they find it boring.

Russell Moore points out the fact that this boredom comes from the emotional and physical release of pornography in an article entitled “Playboy is too boring to succeed”

First of all, it shouldn’t surprise us that a culture awash in graphic porn would find Playboy dull. Those with experience counseling in this area have told us for years that pornography is fueled by novelty and the “high” of the forbidden. What initially seems thrilling ultimately is mundane.

Interestingly Moore goes on by pointing out marriage (and sex) is meant to be a picture of Christ and the Church. By making this only a physical thing the deeper meaning is missed.

This is why sexual revolutions always turn out so boring. This is why the sterile, casual, condom-clad vision of sex in our culture is so dull. This is why pornography is so numbing to the soul. It is because in the search for sexual excitement men and women are not really looking for biochemical sensations or the responses of nerve endings. And, in fact, they are not ultimately even looking for each other. They are searching desperately, not for mere sex, but for that to which sex points–something they know exists but they just can’t identify.

And that’s why you will never find an image naked enough to satisfy what you’re looking for.

One of the best articles on this subject I read last week was “how Playboy magazine legitimized pornography-and destroyed itself in the process” by Joe Carter. In it he explains how this idea of playboy becoming boring actually began when they made pornography a normal part of life.

What pornography needed to be profitable on a mass scale was to be removed from the sexual ghetto and brought into the living room. It needed someone to adopt it, domesticate it, and teach it manners. As a mythmaker on the scale of Walt Disney, Hugh Hefner did for porn what Henry Higgins did for Eliza Doolittle.

We all know that pornography destroys relationships, marriage, and a view of sexuality. But sometimes we need a not so gentle reminder of its power to destroy the thing that brought it into our living room in the first place.

The proper response to the power of pornography is explained in great detail in an awesome article by Eric Simmons entitled “I Hate Porn” where he describes in short sentences the affect pornography has on a life.

I hate porn because it turns potential missionaries into impotent Christians.

I hate porn because it destroys marriage, many before they even begin.

I hate porn because it extends adolescence and keeps men boys.

More than ever before there is a need for men (myself included) to remember the power of pornography…because if playboy cannot win the war apart from Christ we don’t stand a chance.

From the Blog

What Vincy Roads Teach Me about My Sin Nature

There aren’t really many cultural challenges when it comes to living in Barrouaille, but one has brought more stress and grief to me than ten normal ones combined…and that’s driving.

The fact that roads on the island about comparable to about one lane in US highways is cause for concern. But the real challenge comes when you meet someone coming towards you on a smaller road and there isn’t enough room to pass. At this point one of the vehicles has to reverse either down the road, or to an area where they can pull over.

At this point I’m pretty good if you call driving like your ninety-year old grandmother good. However my reversing skills needs lots of work (didn’t use them much in the States) so meeting another vehicle is a totally different story. I’ve done it before (twice last Sunday) but still need people in the vehicle to help with navigation.

The worst part about backing down or up a road is it reveals for the world to see my poor driving skills. You may as well put a huge sticker on the van reading “worlds worst driver.”

And that’s where my anger comes in

I drove myself and a church member to get groceries this afternoon and while we were there he happened to recognize a cousin who just finished shopping, so we offered to give him a ride home after purchasing groceries.

Everything was fine till we headed up to his house which happened to be on one of the smaller roads. As we drove up my stress level was already kind of high expecting some vehicle to come around every corner, but we made it to his street safety. I was getting ready to put the van in park when the Church member said “no we have to back ourselves up this road.”

Suddenly my stress level went through the roof 🙂

After backing up, going forward, and turning again roughly fifty times (making myself look like the worlds worst driver) I finally turned to the Church member and in anger said “okay that’s it you drive!”

I immediately apologized for getting so upset and we eventually got up the street. What really bothered me though was this wasn’t the first time my emotions had gotten away from me while driving.

They say that stress has a way of revealing what a person’s really like. Driving in Vincy (particularly when going backwards on small roads) reveals a lot about me..and to be honest I don’t like that person.

He gets emotional instead of thinking about things rationally

Embarrassment or humiliation is the worst thing in the world for him

And he gets angry very easily

The thing is that angry individual who hates to be embarrassed has always been there even in the calmest situations, you just don’t see him until the stress level is heightened.

So though it pains me to say it..I’m thankful for the small roads of Barrouaille. Because it reveals the part of me I try desperately to hide so that everyone can see it. And the emphasis is on changing the unbiblical responses to embarrassment instead of hiding those responses.

I’ll get the hang of backing up Vincy roads (eventually) but pray that they will still give a heightened stress level, because it allows other to see the kind of person I really am.