What Social Media Should Be About – Page 2

The Adventures of JB, What Social Media Should Be About

Social Media Shouldn’t Be About My Self-Pity

Anyone who suffers from confidence issues, or low self-esteem like I do [1] knows what a pity-party is, but allow me to enlighten those of you who are unaware.

A pity party is when someone responds to something they are struggling with (a bad day) in a very dramatic fashion so others pay attention to them and give encouragement (pity).

Growing up I wasn’t able to find self-confidence in the normal ways [2] which made me view myself as someone who wasn’t as important as everyone else or worthless. Of course this isn’t true, but it was easy to believe sometimes.

To be honest I’m not sure when it happened, but one day a friend hearing me refer to myself as worthless said that I wasn’t, and gave me a compliment. Almost immediately my heart was filled with happiness…and I wanted to feel that way again.

Desiring compliments or encouraging words from others is a very good thing, but soon I began connecting those encouraging words with calling myself worthless, and so a cycle of pity-parties began.

The thing about pity (encouraging words from others because we are hurting) is it brings an almost immediate feeling of happiness. That emotional boost is something a person can quickly become addicted to.

Sadly over time I worked gaining the pity (love) of others down to a science.

By referring to my self as worthless (man I’m so stupid, ugly)
By telling people I can’t do things
By isolating myself from others and looking incredibly sad
By telling people I was okay while making it obvious I wasn’t on purpose
By doing everything in my power to let people know how sad I was

As a teen I would have been the World Heavyweight Champion of Self-Pity, and would have worn the championship belt at all times (to get the pity of others of course).

Thankfully today the Lord has shown me the selfishness of pity-parties that focus only making other people think about my problems [3]. But there is still part of my heart that wants everyone to feel sorry for me when I’m having a bad day.

Yesterday for me was when one of those days when very little seemed to go right. There weren’t any huge disasters, just a lot of small setbacks, and after the tenth or fifteenth one my emotions had gone from annoyed to furious.

There was a huge temptation for me to just get on Facebook and type “having a bad day” because I knew within minutes friends would send encouraging notes, and pray that things would go better. But I kept myself away from the computer (it was the source of my frustration anyways) and off social-media.

Now please don’t think I’m saying venting on Facebook is wrong because I’m not. Instead this is something I PERSONALLY cannot do since I know the habit of turning to online friends for pity when things go bad is hard for me to break.

Another reason I didn’t vent on Facebook is experience has taught me pity is a poor excuse for true love or acceptance. See there is a difference between someone saying “John your one of the smartest people I know” after hearing me give an english lesson, or saying the same thing after I call myself dumb.

Pity is something forced from people by my own selfish actions, love is something they give of their own free will.

There is one more reason I’ve stepped away from self-pity. Because those bad days and frustrating experiences are part of God’s Will for my life since they show how much I need Him.

So to all of you recovering approval addicts stop running to social-media, and instead run to the loving God who created that craving for approval in the first place.

With the Lords help I’ve been able to find my identity in Christ instead of the things that I do, but as a child this was a huge struggle ↩
athletic ability, good grades, popularity, etc ↩
there will be times all of us vent about having a bad day but self-pity is different, it purposely tries to make others feel sorry for you so that immediate feeling of happiness can come ↩

What Social Media Should Be About

Social Media Shouldn’t Be About My Love Tank

“Inside every child is an emotional tank waiting to be filled with love. When a child really feels loved, he will develop normally but when the love tank is empty, the child will misbehave. Much of the misbehavior of children is motivated by the cravings of an empty ’love tank” (Gary Champan)

I believe that every one of us has a love tank (not just children) and when this tank runs low, we start looking for ways to fill it. This is actually a healthy thing because the Lord created us with a need to be loved, however the way we fill our love tanks is incredibly unhealthy.

Our need for love is meant to be filled through a relationship with God like Adam and Eve had in the garden of Eden. Yet after sinning against the Lord this relationship was broken (Genesis 3:8), and a huge change is seen.

Genesis 3:11 And he said, Who told thee that thou wast naked? Hast thou eaten of the tree, whereof I commanded thee that thou shouldest not eat?

12 And the man said, The woman whom thou gavest to be with me, she gave me of the tree, and I did eat.

13 And the LORD God said unto the woman, What is this that thou hast done? And the woman said, The serpent beguiled me, and I did eat.

Up to this point the relationship between Adam and Eve had been selfless (only focused on ministering to one another) but now they are self-centered (focused on their own needs). So instead of taking leadership and confessing his sin Adam blames Eve for it in verse twelve [1], and Eve blames the serpent (Satan).

These self-centered relationships are explained further in Genesis 3:16 where God curses Eve by saying “your desire will be for your husband, and he shall rule over you.” Basically the Lord is saying the marriage relationship (and all relationships actually) will include a struggle over control.

It can be paraphrased as “Your desire will be for your husbands role as leader (place of decision-making, providing, or protecting) and he will rule over you in a forceful way (take control).” Editors note: Just to clarify I am not saying women cannot lead in relationships, in fact in most cases women are BETTER leaders than men, but Scripture is clear that the role of leadership is with a husband.

So relationships are a back and forth battle between those who have control, and those who want it.

What does this have to do with a love tank or social-media? From that point on we began using others to fill our love tank instead of God.

Of course this directly affects our relationships with others because instead of trying to fill their love tanks we are too busy using them to fill our own.

In the past this was done primarily through physical relationships

Someone giving us a kind word or compliment
Helping us with a problem
Congratulating us on an achievement, or hard work
Listening to us when we are struggling [2]

Today filling of our love tanks is primarily done through online communication.

Someone liking or commenting on a Facebook post
Sending us a private message
Sharing photos of activities together on Instagram
Or sharing our messages with others

Of course it isn’t bad to enjoy things like this, but I find myself craving these things because that’s what fills my love tank. So someone liking my Facebook post isn’t a pleasant surprise, it’s something I must have.

Dr. Ed Welch describes this problem in his excellent book When People are Big and God is Small as “approval addiction” and illustrates it by saying something like a compliment from his wife becomes a thing he must have for a healthy relationship.

The thing with our love tanks is they leak…and when they reach a dangerously low-level it’s easy to write a funny or sad social-media post, then fill our tank with likes and comments (trust me I know).

Yet there will come a day when people won’t interact with us online.

And as someone who has done it in the past let me assure you all the online interaction in the world cannot fill your love tank.

Our only hope is running to God, the one who created our tanks in the first place. And then with hearts filled with love we can begin pouring ourselves out into the lives of others.

and blames God too “the woman whom thou gavest to me” ↩
these things are actually good, the problem arises when we are only interested in using relationships with others to fill our own love tanks (more about that tomorrow) ↩

The Adventures of JB, What Social Media Should Be About

Social Media Shouldn’t Be About My Stories

At a young age I learned that God had created me to be an entertainer, or someone who loved to perform in front of crowds [1].

Experiences like that taught me a lesson I have never forgotten…people love to be entertained.

Over the years my method of entertainment changed from class-clown to story-telling or public speaking, but the goal was usually the same.

As an entertainer I wanted to help people forget about their struggles or problems for just a few moments.

My crowning achievement was a dinner theatre in 2003 where I played the part of a used vacuum salesman. Even more than ten years later people still tell me how awesome I was.

Standing on that stage listening to hundreds of people laugh hysterically at my lines was a wonderful moment, but it was also the moment everything started going downhill

See the laughter of others can be an incredibly addictive thing. So slowly my goal as entertainer changed from making others forget their problems to getting their applause [2].

The birth of social-media is both a blessing and a curse for entertainers.

A blessing because you can reach hundreds of people with a joke or story very quickly
A curse because you crave their applause (more about that tomorrow)

Websites like Facebook eventually became a place where I could entertain people and get their applause. This created the never-ending search for “God stories.”

A God story is one where God did something absolutely amazing, they are often very emotional, and transparent (sharing how the Lord brought us through a personal struggle)

God stories were created to focus our eyes on the Lord (He is our source of strength) but in my case they were doing the exact opposite (focusing eyes on me) [3].

There’s just one problem with that
God stories don’t come every day

In fact as we start using them for our own glory (getting an emotional response from others) God will take His power away from us [4].

The craving for the applause of others (emotional response to my stories) combined with the loss of God stories resulted in my not communicating on social-media at all. Over time this created a belief that all of my updates or posts had to include a God story.

Play this out to the end and you will realize (like I did) that the reality you share online is nothing like the real world.

Only sharing God stories gave the idea that Missions, and the Christian life in particular are just one awesome experience after another with no bad days at all. Of course nothing could be farther from the truth since life will always include painful experiences.

My greatest fear is that Christians will start following the Lord expecting everything to be awesome because of my stories, and then become discouraged and depressed because of Satan’s attacks. It’s much better to share what missions really looks like.

The thing is people don’t applaud when we share the random or painful experiences of life, and those stories rarely bring the house down. Yet those are the posts that prepare people for the real world.

The strange thing is I’m a pretty introverted person by nature (was really shy in High School) but in front of a large crowd I turned into “entertaining John.” ↩
laughter or other emotional response ↩
As a Missionary God stories are especially important because you can share them in email or social-media updates and use as a proof the Lord’s blessing is upon your ministry. ↩
we never lose the presence of God, but if I’m rebelling against Him the Lord obviously won’t bless me ↩

The Adventures of JB, What Social Media Should Be About

Why Social Media Shouldn’t Be About Me

As a self-professed lover of technology using websites like Facebook, twitter, and Instagram to communicate with others is a big part of my life. However this year I’m committing myself to having a very different online presence.

My posts this year will focus on teaching others how to deal with life’s challenges (like my fitness series) or sharing news items that shape the way we view the world instead of just being about me.

I think it’s awesome that sites like Facebook allows us to share thoughts or experiences in seconds, but can’t help but think that great power also gives a great responsibility

A responsibility to looks at challenges people face from a Christian worldview
A responsibility to make much of the Gospel
A responsibility to encourage and uplift others
A responsibility to create (produce) something that can help those in need

Instead of this on my Facebook wall I find

Blog posts with stories about me
Pictures from tutoring sessions
Lots of running posts
And anything that I think is funny

Please don’t think I’m saying that sharing things like this on Facebook are wrong, Social media allows us to share the random moments of life, and often those end up being the most awesome…however it did bother me when I realized most of my online presence was self-centered.

This self-centered focus is all about making myself look great (self promotion), or gaining love and encouragement from others through their response to my online posts. An others-centered focus is all about the needs of others instead of my own desire for approval.

In other words; it’s the difference between using online relationships to make myself feel better, or others feel better.

It soon became apparent things like twitter or Facebook had become a stage from which I entertained people so they would like, comment, or retweet my posts, which of course fed my ego.

The truly frightening thing (and what caused me to change my approach to social media) was a realization that this self-centered attitude online created a self-centered approach to personal relationships.

I become addicted to the applause of others [1]
I become addicted to the approval of others [2]
I become addicted to the pity of others [3]
I become addicted to the glory of others [4]

Focus on this enough and every relationship becomes an opportunity to promote myself instead of helping others.

Yes social media allows others to share moments of life with us (even the randomly awesome ones) and this is wonderful. But every post can’t be about me because sites like Twitter and Facebook are meant to be about so much more.

Finding those awesome moments or stories to share ↩
through likes, comments, or retweets online ↩
fill my need for love or encouragement after frustrating experiences ↩
Focusing on my accomplishments so that everyone can see me ↩