Category: John Wilburn Missionary to Melbourne

Hi my name is John and I’m a spaz
There I said it

In my case this means emphasizing activity to the point where I would become involved in any ministry possible.

Part of that comes from a genuine desire to reach others with the Gospel of Christ. But to be honest being a spaz affects my ministry philosophy as well since any time spent at home is looked upon as “inactivity”. Obviously in the past this led to a mindset that focused on cramming as much ministry outside of home into the day as humanly possible.

Recently though the Lord has made some drastic changes to that philosophy. Changes that have led me to step away from a number of ministries, and block out five to six hours a day at home [1].

The reason for this is quite simple…there was no time for the truly important ministries.

In the past I would spend thirty to forty-five minutes a day ministering to students in local schools through tutoring ministries. This was an awesome opportunity, but it usually took more than two-hours to complete when you factored in traffic and other issues.

Now it’s definitely worth taking two-hours out of my day to impact a child’s life. The problem is that left very little time at home before leaving for a 1:00 or 2:00 ministry.

Which of course meant I attacked some very important ministries in “spaz mode” [2]

1. Like communication with prayers supporters about my Visa process
2. Deeper Bible Study for personal growth
3. Education through reading books and articles
4. Writing blog posts, and recording video updates
5. Compiling necessary documents for my Visa application
6. Working through Christology notes for a class in Bangladesh I will teach in June
7. Preparation of tutoring lesson plans
8. Concentrated prayer about my Visa process
9. And writing articles that apply the Truths of Scripture to cultural challenges

Most of these things would receive less than a half-hour as I frantically ran around the house trying to get stuff done before leaving.

Worst of all sometimes I would come home drained because of the tutoring sessions [3] and have no motivation to actually do the work!

So last week after finishing my school ministry (and the Kev IV farewell tour) I adopted an outdoor patio as my office. And the place where I would invest time in the ministries that truly matter.

• Coming up with real answers to the challenges our culture faces from a Biblical Worldview
• Creation of a real relationship with prayer supporters that shares the good, bad, and ugly parts of my journey home
• Developing of Bible studies [4] that can be used for discipleship
• Making sure that everything is ready with the Visa process while seeking God’s leading
• Studying more of God’s Word
• And becoming the man God has called me to be

Oh don’t worry John the spaz will still come out, but not till about 2:30. Which gives me plenty of time to invest in the things that truly matter.

Last week I spent a few hours creating a “gifts inventory” that discussed things like spiritual gifts, strengths, weaknesses, personality, things I love to do, things I don’t love to do, and what kind of ministry fits me best.

The idea to do this came from a conversation with my dad about how I often find myself doing things that just don’t fit me.

I’m the kind of person who will help anyone with anything.  This is good since we don’t always get to do things we enjoy. However it’s important to have a clear understanding of the gifts and abilities God has given us, and allow that to help us decide which ministry opportunities the Lord wants us to pursue.

For instance here for me an ideal ministry would be one that:

1. Focuses on relationships
2. Clarifies the teachings of Scripture in a non-public teaching role [1]
3. Emphasizes Mercy or Service Gifts
4. Is with young children, or teenagers
5. Is a role with a team instead of a leadership position

On the other hand things I don’t necessarily enjoy would be

1. Administrative duties (paperwork, meetings)
2. Making a decision that would directly affect the lives of other people
3. A teaching ministry that is academic or detail oriented (find myself focusing on the paperwork more than the teaching itself)

Now here’s the deal…I can and will gladly do these things since they are obviously part of life. The problem arises when a ministry emphasizes (focuses on) over a long period of time something that I’m either not gifted towards, or is a weakness.

This has led me to begin doing something that is incredibly painful for me.
I have to tell people no

You see I happen to be a big softie who absolutely cannot stand to see people in need. Again this is a good thing since God created me this way (it fits well with mercy and service gifts). However that also means I’m willing to do whatever the person needs:

1. Even if I’m not very good at it (not a strength)
2. Or I don’t particularly enjoy it
3. And know there is another person who would do a much better job

I would respond this way since in my mind saying “sorry that just isn’t something the Lord’s given me a gift for” would be incredibly rude and selfish.

But recently my mind’s done a complete turnaround and I view it as loving

1. Since I am being honest with the person about my weakness instead of trying to protect my own pride
2. Since they will be able to find someone who is truly passionate about that kind of ministry
3. Since I know that this ministry can easily become a source of division between us
4. Since it allows me to keep a good Christian testimony [2]

A few days ago someone asked me if I could help them with something (a long-term ministry), and though it made me feel like the biggest jerk in the world I said no.

Because I knew they could find someone better
Because I knew this wasn’t something that God had given me the ability to do with excellence
And because I loved them too much to say yes

One of the greatest blessings God has provided during my Visa application process is Christian friends who pray for me, and show a genuine interest in how things are going.

Some days though that blessing becomes a source of frustration

Let me make clear my frustration isn’t with the people who ask about the process [1], instead it comes from an inability to share any updated information.

Understandably because I am in a foreign Country, and there are large numbers of Visa applications (along with the fact that mine includes eight years of paperwork) updates don’t come as often I may want them. However not being able to share updates with friends can become annoying.

Most days I’m able to control that growing frustration over not having a good answer. But last Sunday was harder than usual for some reason, and this resulted in an explosion of frustration on the way home from Church. Of course things like that can’t be allowed to continue so I spent some time Monday in serious prayer and fasting asking the Lord to help me with this frustration.

By the end of Monday the Lord had given me two ways to respond:

1. Spend five to six hours at home focusing on updated communication, Bible Study, teaching of Scripture, writing, and organization or paperwork [3].
2. Communicate about my return more (especially on Social Media)

The first didn’t really surprise me since it’s in faith preparing for the ministry I will involve myself with in Australia. It’s the second part that got me.

You see communicating more about my return would mean sending updates that aren’t directly related to my application process (the paperwork or communication). So that communication would actually ADD TO THE FRUSTRATION, and on bad days feel like I was stabbing myself in the chest.

Which of course leads to a very important question

Why does God want me to do something like that?

I mean seriously, what’s the problem with only sharing an update when something awesome happens, or Immigration contacts me?

The problem is I have a tremendous desire to show everyone I have it all together (everything is under control). And moments like not having a recent update makes clear I most definitely don’t have it all together.

This of course leads to the hiding of that particular part of my life until something awesome happens. At which point it’s shared every way imaginable (including carrier pigeon) to give the idea that I “have it all together.”

There’s just one problem with that…
I don’t

No matter how hard I try there’s nothing John Wilburn can do (other than sending documents which I’ve already done) to make the process go faster.

Bottom line…I need help

Now I could sit here and desperately try to cover up the fact that I need help but guess what? You already know I need it, in fact we all need it! The only thing that covering the fact that I don’t have it all together accomplishes is the building of frustration till I explode like an emotional volcano.

And that’s why God wants me to share updates about the journey home even if there isn’t any updated news. Because it emphasizes the fact that I don’t have it all together, but that I serve a God who does.

To be honest some days it still feels like a knife in my chest admitting that I have no clear answers, but that doesn’t mean I will stop doing it. Because the initial pain of admitting weakness takes the responsibility off my shoulders.

Yes I don’t always have it together
But thanks be to God I don’t have to.

Brief Update on Return to Australia from John Wilburn on Vimeo.