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Three days after coming to the States for a Christmas break I opened a new document on Evernote and typed in the words “how did I get here?”  The word “here” in that question referred to a place of physical and emotional exhaustion.  All of us have to come to the point where we are just drained and find it hard to be motivated, this is especially true for those in ministry, and Missionaries deal with it more often than most since we are on the front lines spiritually.

Getting to the point of exhaustion isn’t a sin (it happens to everybody) but it’s important that we take time to step back and think about how we got to that point of exhaustion.  Often this evaluation will reveal habits or choices that led towards our being exhausted.

As the list of reasons for my weariness grew I noticed that most of the struggles began in late November….right around the time that kids were out of school on break.

Because this is a Presidential election year on the island schools closed down in early December (the teachers would be connected to the winning political group).  This along with some school holidays because of testing meant the kids spent a lot more time at my house than before.

In the past they would come by after school at 3:00 and our Bible club would run for an hour.  After that I would do some computer tutoring with some of them for another hour, and maybe take a walk.  It was a good system…but take school out of the equation and suddenly they are showing up at 7:00 or 8:00 🙂

At first I tried ministering to all of them but didn’t have the energy so instead I began:

1. Ignoring them
2. Telling them to only come at certain times
3. Sending them away
4. And  finally shutting everything down so they got nothing

The thing that really bothered me was this change in scheduling (Christmas break) took my normal system and turned into chaos.  Even worse I adapted myself to the chaos by trying to minister to everyone who came on my porch!

Staring at that document three weeks ago the Lord helped me realize how I’ve been called not to adapt myself to the chaos of island life, but create a place of structure within it.  A place where there are rules that must be enforced…and its okay to say no

Around noon yesterday I got extremely nauseous and spent most of the afternoon in bed.  Personally feel this is my bodies way of welcoming me back to the islands heat and thankfully feel much better after getting medication this morning.  Knowing I didn’t have the energy or stamina to teach kids yesterday a note was put on the door informing them that Mr. John was sick so there would be no Bible Club.

I laid in bed at 2:55 as children loudly ran up on the porch and read the letter.  Of course they didn’t just go away 🙂

• They rang the bell
• Ran around the house screaming my name
• Knocked on windows
• and came back about every half-hour to do it again

Other than one time for some particularly persistent ringers I never came to the door (may have had something to do with the room spinning).

This morning two kids stopped by on the way to school and asked where I was yesterday, after learning in bed they were shocked “but we rang the bell and shouted your name” the boy said.   I explained to him that I was sick and didn’t want to give something to all of them, but in a deeper sense taught him a very important lesson.

Sometimes Mr. John won’t come to the door

so that when he does it will be in the best way possible.

Last week was my most exhausting one since coming to the island in September.  School was so children were coming to my house asking for tablet, game, or story at about 8:00 in the morning instead of 3:00 in the afternoon when they usually show up.  This and the fact that there was more than one group of kids meant an afternoon nap was mandatory 🙂

Last week is a blessing because I was able to connect with so many children, but the large number meant my connection wasn’t very meaningful.

On any mission field you will interact with individuals who truly want to know more about Christ, and people who are just interested in what’s being offered.  In my case there are some kids who come to learn more about Jesus, while most are just interested in juice or tablet time.  Sadly this is just a fact of life so my first inclination is to accept everyone, but eventually the people there just for the juice greatly hinders my ministry to those who truly want to learn.

Last Friday a little boy came over and since things were too loud on the porch we came inside for a Bible story.  As the story talked about where we would spend eternity I asked the boy where he would go when he died, his response was, “I would go to Hell.”  “would you like to know how to go to Heaven” I asked, and he nodded.

At that moment as I opened my Bible other kids started getting bored and decided to walk in the house distracting him (I don’t lock myself in the house when a child is there with me), the moment I got one out another would come demanding tablet time or juice.  Eventually we retreated to the very back room (making sure every door was wide open) for a place of solitude but kids followed us there…some wondering what was going on, others asking questions or wondering when it was their turn for tablet.

Thankfully that little boy did accept Christ but in that moment I realized how larger groups of kids on the porch meant deeper ministry was almost impossible.

Much of my ministry with kids up till now has involved Bible teaching, but also emphasized administration or crowd control…that sort of thing happens when there are twelve kids on the porch 🙂  But this experience and others has created a yearning for a ministry built on discipleship or mentoring young people.  In other words instead of twelve you have two or three which allows the connection and teaching to be deeper (my focus is on explaining the Gospel instead of keeping them calm).

This has resulted in two things

1. Sending away the kids who only care about juice or tablet for a few days
2. And inviting kids who I know are truly interested in knowing more about Jesus to visit me more

A few days ago it occurred to me that part of my American mindset about ministry was actually hindering God’s work on the island.  This probably isn’t just about my being American, but I approach the ministry opportunities of life with an efficiency focus that pursues a full day of ministry.

The goal of my efficiency is six to seven hours of ministry beginning at 1:00 in the afternoon (morning is set aside for sermon-prep, discipleship material, education, and writing).  Ideally this means my only break between 1:00 and getting home from a Church service at 8:30 would be supper.

Now there’s obviously nothing wrong with wanting to serve the people of Barrouallie for six-hours a day.  But my focus on efficiency and ticking things off a to-do list means unplanned ministry opportunities are looked upon as interruptions.

One of the big relationship development opportunities here is offering cold-water to people.  Some of them sadly don’t have access to it, and being in a town where temps are in the eighties every morning, hydration is very important 🙂  Upon arriving in September I would grab these chances to get to know people’s names, introduce myself, and develop a friendship.  They responded by making my house a daily spot for refreshment.

This week I had a particularly frustrating day, the kind where you just feel completely unmotivated to work and get very little accomplished.  Late that afternoon two sisters came running up the steps with their brother asking for cold water.  I quickly brought out three glasses and a large bottle of water, and then instead of sitting down and chatting with them walked inside and closed the door.

Then to make matters worse….I locked it behind me

My main reason for this was getting something productive done before the day ended, but children are also known to enter the house if the door isn’t locked and of course it’s almost impossible to be productive with a curious child nearby

Looking back on that moment I realize just how selfish and unloving my actions where.  Yes there are moments when privacy is needed, but locking people out of the house so you can get work done isn’t how you accomplish missions.  In fact it’s and easy way to destroy an outreach into the culture.

The thing is they weren’t just there for water.  There were many places to get a cold drink for free, but they willingly chose my home because I was something different.  In a way they yearned for what I used to offer along with the water

1. A Bible Story (with card that they could hold in their hands)
2. A game on the porch
3. A listening ear
4. And loving acceptance

With the click of the lock I could have easily destroyed all of the work in building Gospel bridges just so a few things could be ticked off a list.

I’m not saying there isn’t a need for privacy, there are reasons why the door should be locked….but efficiency isn’t one of them.

May God help me remember that the interruptions of life are massive opportunities for ministry.  And when people come to my porch the best thing I can do is close the computer, turn off the phone, and along with water give them Biblical truth that refreshes their soul.

At around 6:00 last night a teenage boy came by the house, and when I came to the door, quietly asked for something to eat.

This is actually a normal occurrence in Barrouallie since children come by multiple times a day asking for food, but I (on the encouragement of missionaries and Vincentian Believers) won’t give it to them unless they earn the food in some way.  This is because the island has a culture of asking for things (even if you don’t need them) and then expressing shock when they aren’t provided for free…I even had a young lady tell me after being given free cooking oil it wasn’t ENOUGH cooking oil!

Because of this I am doing my best to create a new culture in the children who come by to visit in the afternoons.  Food or other rewards is earned by good character (juice and tablet time are given out for free) so a peanut butter sandwich, and at least three pieces of bread are given out as rewards to the best behaved kids.

As the boy stood there on the porch I was honestly conflicted because part of me wanted to give him more food (he had a piece of bread earlier) and another part felt like he had been given enough for one day.

To make the matter harder there were very good arguments for each point

1. If I didn’t give him food the I was being heartless, If I did give him food then it may become an enabling relationship (instead of working for food he will just come to Mr. John)
2. If I sent him away hungry then it wouldn’t illustrate the Gospel because God gives Grace, if I did give him food then that may be the only reason he obeys or respects me (just for the food)
3. If I didn’t give anything it would strengthen the philosophy that food isn’t given out for free, if I did give it then the kids next day would say (why did you give him food?

In a way the grilled-cheese sandwich I made him last night was at the same time one of the most loving things (because I fed him) and unloving things that I could have done.  Because now instead of working for money so he can buy food this teenager will probably come to get another sandwich.

The bottom line is it wasn’t a decision where right and wrong were clearly defined….some may feel one view is the only correct one, but I promise there are individuals who hold the other side just as strongly

Last nights experience came back to me this morning as I read articles about whether or not Syrian refugees should be accepted by the US.  To be honest both sides of this issue have very good points.  Those who are for the acceptance or refugees remind us we are to show others the love of Christ, while those against it believe many of these refugees will carry out a terrorist attack like the one in Paris.

I’m not going to tell anyone what to do in this situation because there is plenty of that going around already.  Instead it’s my opinion we should take a step back and think seriously about this decision, because the right and wrong path may not be as clear as they seem.

Kevin DeYoung wrote one the more insightful articles on this subject yesterday saying

The issue of immigration—both for those inside the country already and for those wanting to get in—is bound to be a pressing political, international, and humanitarian concern for many years. We need Christian writers, thinkers, pastors, scholars, and activists to be a part of the conversation. My plea is that the conversation reflect the complexity of the situation and goes beyond the familiar dichotomies of love versus hate, inclusion versus exclusion, and fear versus compassion. There are too many important things, and too many human lives, at stake to move quite so quickly from solid Christian principles to simple policy prescriptions.

Though my story about the hungry boy is a poor illustration of the refugees struggle, I believe it points out the fact that we shouldn’t be so quick to make this a black and white issue.

Last night I was reading from Dr. Albert Mohlers new book “We Cannot Be Silent” (which is awesome by the way) and came across a quote that seemed especially appropriate in the light of recent ISIS attacks in Paris.  He is actually referring to Homosexual or same-sex marriage advocates in the quote, but it could easily be applied to terrorists as well.

can anyone doubt that part of the problem, in what some people have called the culture war, is that one side is prepared and organized and determined, and the other side is just gradually beginning to wake up?

After Friday night when six separate attacks took place at the same time in strategic locations it’s obvious that ISIS (or the Islamic State as they prefer) has a definite battle plan, and is already carrying it out.

The scary thing is these terrorists are laser focused on one goal. To create a worldwide Muslim religion that is led by a Caliph (leader) who is a direct descendant of Muhammad. This is done by killing everyone who don’t agree with their views, including other Muslims.

Now as frightening as that may be, what really worries me is when the focused organization of ISIS is compared to Christians who most of the time deal with secondary issues (myself included most of the time sadly).

Think about it, what were we talking about last week?

Red Starbucks Cups

Meanwhile terrorists are creating elaborate plans to take lives!

Now please understand I’m not saying that we should all start stockpiling weapons and preparing to defend our homeland.  Instead it’s time for us to wake up, realize we are in the middle of a war, and admit we are losing badly.

Some may say “well the Islamic State isn’t about to attack America!”  Okay lets just say we aren’t in direct war with ISIS, do you know who we are in war with?

1. The Homosexual agenda
2. Attack on personal liberty on College Campuses
3. The Transgender movement

Want to guess how many of those wars we are losing?

I am convicted by the fact that I’ve allowed excuses to lull me to sleep while opposing groups have organized themselves.  But the good news is as Christians God forgives our mistakes.  The important thing is to wake up and admit we have slept through a culture war.