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  Thursday night I drove to my parents house in Daniels, West Virginia and had a $5 little ceasers pizza and two liter of “Diet Dr. Thunder” from Walmart for dinner.  The total cost of the meal was less than six-dollars but it was something I looked forward to since landing in Miami on Tuesday.

The truth is when someone asks me what I miss from America my answer after family and friends is “cheap junk food” and I’m planning  to gain ten or fifteen pounds before sweating if off on the island 🙂 Of course America means much more to me than just pizza or soda, but things like little ceasers and Walmart where definitely on my mind while boarding the plane in St. Vincent

The weird thing is being away from things like that for months didn’t really bother me…it’s possible to gain junk food in the Saint Vincent but it isn’t really worth the cost (a two-liter of Coke is $5 US and box of Lucky Charms is $13) so in the end I just choose to do without them.  The first two weeks are extremely difficult (feels like a detox period) but eventually my body gets used to living without unhealthy food.

Unfortunately choosing to do without was completely forgotten as the plane descended into Miami last Tuesday.  Within a half-hour I was devouring a pepperoni pizza (not $5 but pretty good) multiple glasses of Pepsi, and a Starbucks latte.  Pretty sure within an hour I consumed more calories than my daily intake on the island.

What made the difference?

It’s simple…my discipline in Saint Vincent wasn’t a physical thing (choosing not to eat it) but financial (it costs too much) or cultural (I couldn’t get it there).  Once that plan landed I began stuffing every form of junk food in my face 🙂

Thursday’s experience reminded me there is a big difference between self-discipline, and being forced to do without

1. Self-discipline chooses to say no in a moment that they could say yes
2. Self-discipline thinks about actions before doing them
3. Self-discipline focuses on the future consequences of those choices (what will this $5 pizza do to me?)
4. Self-discipline willingly sets aside desires for a short time so that something better can be achieved 

Living in a culture of five-dollar pizza that offers what we want (food or otherwise) for a very cheap price makes it very difficult to find people who display control of their desires for the cause of Christ.  Many likes myself like to think we are self-disciplined but end up gorging ourselves when the opportunity comes.  

Maybe I’m overthinking pizza and dr. Thunder a bit, but know from experience that lank of discipline physically can easily lead to lack of discipline mentally or emotionally.  This doesn’t mean giving up little ceasers pizza completely  (I can’t) but instead choosing to say no when my body REALLY wants pizza.  It’s not always easy to reject our desires but it’s only then that true self-discipline can be experienced.

Last Sunday I preached from Joshua 1:10-19 where the children of Israel prepared themselves to cross the Jordan, and enter the promised land.  The main focus is on Joshua motivating the tribes who had already received their inheritance to fight  so everyone else could receive theirs (1:12-15).

The Lord began to deeply convict me through this passage because in my own heart there was an unwillingness to fight.  Like some Missionaries I’m in a unique situation of filling in at a Church while the lead pastor is away on furlough.  The people love pastor Richards (not his real name) and are looking forward to his return, not that they don’t like me, but he is the one who served with them for over twenty years.

In a sense their love for Pastor Richards along with his strong ministry there and return created an idea that my job was to “take care of the Church till he came back”  instead of leading it.  This wasn’t something I willingly did by giving up the leadership role, but a subconscious embracing of management instead of leadership.

I was thinking about this Thursday morning when a Church member sent a message asking if Mrs. Evans (not her real name) had gotten in touch with me.  A few minutes later she was telling me through tears on the phone that her grandmother had been taken to the hospital, and asked if I could come meet with the family.

An hour afterwards I arrived at the hospital but sadly it was too late.  Her grandmother about fifteen minutes before had entered into Heaven singing praises to her Savior.  For two-hours I sat with the family (and her especially) as they said goodbye, the doctors prepared the body, and it was taken to the funeral home.  Later I drove her by a grocery store so she could get some groceries and asked the guidance counselor at Mrs.Evans daughter’s school to inform her after classes.

As I made lunch that afternoon it occurred to me  that I had been doing the work of a Pastor.  It probably wasn’t done as well as the twenty-year veteran missionary, but my willingness to be a pastor ministered greatly to her heart.  Friday she sent me a message saying “thank you, I’ll be forever grateful.”

The work of a Pastor isn’t for the weak of heart.  It’s exhausting, frustrating, messy, and thankless.  This is why so many like me find themselves consciously or unconsciously taking on the role of “manager.” After all, it’s a lot easier to just preach a few times a week and make basic decisions than minister to Church members on a day to day basis.

My sermon last Sunday was called “Because this is war.”  I ended with an apology for inadvertently allowing Pastor Richards to keep me from taking the leadership role, and a promise that from that point on I would do my best to be “the one on the white horse leading the Charge.”

Will I be as good as Pastor Richards?  Probably not.  The thing is that doesn’t matter.  Because in the moments of need what they don’t need is a manager, what they need is a shepherd.

A few years ago I began meeting with High School seniors in local High Schools for mentoring and one of them was a boy we will call “Dave” (not his real name).  Dave and I had lots of fun together because we both loved to talk and be really loud; a few times they even had to come down from the office and ask us to be quieter  🙂

One week Dave was strangely silent…I tried to get him to open up because something was obviously on his mind but he wouldn’t talk.  Finally as our session ended I asked if there was anything he wanted to talk about.  “Yea man” he said slowly while picking at a piece of the desk in front of him “how did you ask a girl out?”

Like many shy teenagers Dave had never been on a date before, and had become smitten with a girl, but didn’t know what to do about it.  We laughed a bit about his coming to me for  relationship advice (a single man in his late thirties) but then he asked “so how do I do it?”

Looking into his desperately lonely eyes was a frightening moment for me.  Not because I didn’t have a lot of experience with relationships, but because I didn’t have an answer for the questions that started pouring out.

1. How do I let her know  like her?
2. What should the first date be like?
3. How many dates should we go on till its a serious relationship?
4. Should I text her, and how often?
5. What if her friends don’t like me?

The truth is even the couple that’s been married for many years would struggle answering these questions because things have changed A LOT since they were in High School!  The real problem here is there isn’t a Biblical roadmap for relationships.  Obviously there are principles of Scripture that are helpful,but the Bible doesn’t say “thou shalt declare the fourth coffee a date.”

While the relationship conversation with Dave was a bit awkward, I thank God for it because that forced me to start asking myself some of those questions.  And more importantly wrestling with them using Scripture.  In that moment my theology of relationships began.

Now that may sound weird but basically a theology of relationships means studying male and female relationships in an organized way using Scripture.   It began as a way to make sure the next time I was asked a relationship question my response wouldn’t be a “deer in the headlights look”, but eventually it helped me view all relationships Biblically. 

I do still see the humor of God leading a single male who has been called to singleness and celibacy (virginity) to create a Biblical view of relationships.  But the truth is each of have to wrestle with those hard relational questions.  Because although the Lord hasn’t given us a step by step process of relationships, He has provided Christians who can become faithful guides.

 

After being on the island over four months I’ve gotten used to pretty much everything here.  In fact there’s only one part of Barrouallie life that strikes fear into my heart…and that’s the driving.

The good news for me is it’s almost impossible to get lost in St. Vincent since there’s only one main road.  The bad news is that roads are a lot smaller than American ones, and the fact that they are doing construction makes them even smaller!

To be honest I’m getting a lot better at my island driving so most times I can get from one place to another without making a fool of myself.  However if I have to back up (sometimes its necessary to back down a road when another vehicle is approaching)  my driving resembles that of your ninety year old blind grandmother.

Last October the Lord used a simple trip to the grocery store to illustrate just how much driving in St. Vincent affected me.  I went with a friend to get some groceries and his cousin was there so we decided to give him a ride home.  Everything was fine on the way home with our groceries till my friend told me I had to back up a road in order to drop his cousin off.  What followed was one of the worst driving experiences of my life resulting in lots of anger and frustration

From that point on my greatest fear was having to back down or up a road to the point where I would literally pray before turning the van keys “Lord please don’t let anyone be coming down this road!”

Of course sometimes God doesn’t answer our prayers for our own good 🙂

Last Sunday afternoon there was a large funeral in town and people quickly ran out of places to park so by the time I went to pick up Church members a very long line of vehicles had parked along the main road. This meant you could barely get one vehicle through at a time.

On the way back things had gotten much worse because a truck had parked the wrong way (facing traffic) so it had to be moved before anybody else was able to do anything.  After lots of arguing in Vicentian, I was forced to back up pretty much blind (being directed by those in the back seat) and reveal to dozens of island people my horrible driving skills.

Now if I had faced a situation like this in October my response would have been to calmly lock the van, and then run for my life!  But Sunday night I was able to keep myself calm in a very stressful situation as vincentians commented on my driving in extremely colorful language.

What made the difference?

I had done it before.

See I still pray that vehicles won’t be coming when the engine starts, but I’ve also faced my fear of backing down tight roads, and got better at it every time.

There will probably come a day when island driving doesn’t bring stress (probably about twenty years) but I’m incredibly thankful that God forces me to face my worst nightmare.  Because it’s facing it and living that helped me keep calm on Sunday.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Yesterday afternoon a woman came with her son for a thirty-minute computer-tutoring session.  She listened carefully as I explained the uses of the mouse, learned how to cut and copy, took notes, and laughed while playing a typing game online.

About fifteen minutes after she left a three children came asking if I could print something for them.  It turns out though each wanted me to complete a homework assignment by finding pictures online, putting them in a document, and then printing it (can you guess when the assignment was due?)

Sadly along with the people who want to truly learn there will always be those individuals trying to make you do their homework.  This shouldn’t surprise us since we live in a self-centered broken world where children are taught from an early age to grab whatever they can.  However as Christians we cannot allow ourselves to be used by them.

After a fairly lengthy bartering session (they wanted me to do it for $1 which is the basic price for printing something off a flash drive, we eventually decided on $2 a page).  I completed the work and brought it out to them with a stern warning next time I wouldn’t complete their homework.

Now chances are they won’t remember my saying that but I can absolutely guarantee you that I will…and they will go home empty handed (I’m not totally heartless, but being approached about doing their assignment for them the night before it’s due is ridiculous).

The thing is sending them away empty-handed goes totally against my personality since I am a service-based person who loves helping those in need more than anything.  But there is a big difference between printing out a document for someone who doesn’t have a printer, and creating a document for someone.

So I am preparing myself to say no

The truth is I should have refused last night because my actions shared a very clear message, “you don’t have to do your homework just go to Mr. John’s house and he will do it for you.”  And now every child who comes requesting this will say “but you did it for ______).

Never before has there been a greater need for clear boundaries in our lives (what we are willing, and not willing to do) because otherwise people will just use us whenever possible.  Obviously that’s not true for everybody, but that doesn’t mean the users aren’t out there.

In a deeper sense we must give ourselves permission to say no

Honestly that word sounds very unloving to me but the truth is saying yes when people are simply using me for their own purposes is the most unloving thing possible.  Because now there is a learned dependence on me to continue doing that same act of mercy.

Ministry is a fine balance between grace and structure that I definitely haven’t perfected, but one lesson learned along the way is saying no isn’t nearly as hateful as it sounds.