Why I Don’t Give Things Away

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This morning I read a very interesting article called “How to avoid the Messiah Complex” by Joseph Sunde.  In it he explained that many short-term missions groups damage the relationship or ministry of the Missionary serving in that Country by meeting the physical needs of the people.

By itself that isn’t a bad thing…however it can create an attitude of dependency on the missionary to continue meeting physical needs.

When you roll in and hand out a bunch of soccer balls and candy to kids, it undermines the bridges of trust built through partnering and instead sends the message of easy “Aid” and spreads dependency. It makes it much harder on them when you leave when they wonder why this friend who has been staying with them over years never “gives them stuff.”

The article doesn’t encourage missions groups to do nothing but instead ” If you have gifts, only bring what they’ve asked and let them hand them out at a time they deem appropriate” in this way the short-term teams strengthens the ministry of that missionary.

As someone who serves in a mission field where you see poverty its hard to say no when people ask me for things, but I’ve learned its necessary because Missionaries cannot give things away.

As Mr. Sunde pointed out in his article ministries that focus on meeting physical needs fail in two ways.

  1. You cannot meet all of the needs
  2. And you create an attitude of dependence or even entitlement with the people
  3. The sad fact is in many places that sense of entitlement already exists so they EXPECT you to give things away

A few months after arriving in Barrouallie a young lady from down the street came with her sister and asked for a glass of water.  I brought them out and we sat on the porch talking for a while before she asked for some cooking oil as well.  It wasn’t my habit of giving things like this away (everyone would want cooking oil) but I decided to be kind and brought out enough for a few meals.  She looked at me incredulously and said “this is not enough!”

Think about that for a second

She is siting on my porch,

drinking my cold water,

and complaining about not getting enough free oil!  As you can imagine she ended up getting NO OIL but this illustrates why missionaries cannot just start giving things like oil away.

Now before you start picturing me as Ebenezer Scrooge sending hungry poor children away while living in luxury let me say I do provide for physical needs with one big difference.

I make them earn it

Today when someone in Barrouallie asks me for something (which often happens) my response is to smile and ask “why should I give you this to you?”  It’s interesting to see the look of confusion that would come in their faces after asking that question because they felt having a need was enough reason but of course it wasn’t.

  1. Instead help was earned by a willingness to do a job in return
  2. an instance of extreme need
  3. And most importantly obedience (a willingness to follow Mr. Johns rules)

It’s taken months but slowly people are starting to get it.

Last November a young lady came during my Bible club with children and noticed that I was handing out glasses of juice (koolaid) to some of them.  She asked for one and after being turned down was indignant “why can’t I have a glass of juice” she asked, I was getting ready to respond when one of the children told her “you have to earn Mr. John’s juice!”

In a way generations of missionaries (myself included) have created a culture of co-dependency with those who we are to reach with the Gospel.  Therefore its our responsibility to create a new culture that makes them earn juice.

Redefining a Successful Witness

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As a missionary one of my deepest burdens is for Christians that don’t share the Gospel .  This doesn’t stop with me as countless pastors and church leaders are speaking against this lack of witness, and after asking why people don’t speak of Christ they get the usual responses

  1. They don’t know enough Scripture
  2. They are afraid of losing their friends or loved ones
  3. They aren’t confident enough
  4. Or they share more than other people

I’ve heard excuses like this many times before (and even used them sometimes) but in my opinion there’s one issue that keeps Christians from witnessing more than any other.

We no longer know what a successful witness looks like

Ask someone today what would be found in a successful witness and you would end up with something like this

  • The unsaved person is convicted of their sins by the Holy Spirit
  • They confess their need of Christ and ask Him to be their Savior
  • Their lives are completely changed and become actively involved in the local church

Now I’m not saying these Salvation experiences don’t come from a successful witness.  However normally our witnes goes something like this

  • We share the Gospel truth with an unsaved person who has the Bible answers, but hasn’t accepted Christ
  • They choose to rely on their good works or church attendance to take them to Heaven
  • When we explain to them that Jesus is the only way to Heaven their response is “well that’s just your interpretation”
  • When asked if they would like to accept Christ they either explain how good works saves them, or starts an argument about something other than the Gospel

Now let me ask you something….was that a successful witness?

In most cases I would slink away with my tail between my legs. But according to Scripture that WAS a successful witness! Because GOD is the one who does the saving, my job is to simply share His truth.

The problem with our earlier idea of a successful witness is it places intense pressure on a person to get the individual saved.  I’m all for fervent sharing of the Gospel, but the emphasis is the persons own strength or wisdom to the point where they could say “I got this person saved!” 

A bigger issue is if I clearly share the Gospel and they refuse to accept Christ it’s viewed as a loss.  The reality is however the Holy Spirit uses the truths of Scripture to impact lives in a way we cannot.  So if that person understands the truths of Scripture it’s a success!

A few weeks ago I shared the Gospel with a young man who attended Church but obviously wasn’t saved.  As we started reading Romans 3:23 I asked where he wouldn’t go when he died and the young man honestly told me “hell.”  At the end of a tract I was using there were two mountains with a large gap between them.  One one side was man living in sin and on the other side was God.  At the end I asked “which side are you on right now?” He sheepishly pointed to the sin side.  “What’s keeping you from crossing to God (through Christ)?” I asked, he thought for a moment and said “I just like sin too much.”

Now it’s very hard to call this a successful witness since the man refused to accept Jesus because sin felt too good.  But as we finished I looked him in the eyes and asked “where would you go if you died right now?”  He looked at the floor and mumbled “hell.”  I asked the question again just to impress it on his mind and then prayed for him.

Would I have been happier if he had accepted Jesus Christ as his Savior?  Of course!!  But in the eyes of God a witness that clearly explains His truth and drives home the fact death brings eternity in Hell is definitely not a failure.

Thoughts on being a forty-year old virgin (and why it’s okay)

ProfilepicLast Saturday I enjoyed the  Wilburn family tradition of going out for my birthday and playing a game my brother calls “who can remember an embarrassing story about John” like every other year we all ended up laughing so hard tears came out of our eyes.  This time was a bit different though since I turned 40 and in His sovereignty of God has called me to a life of celibacy or virgnity.

Being in a culture where people use one another to fulfill their own desires, and marriage is looked upon as a source of happiness you won’t find many single people in their forties.  A single virgin in their forties should probably belong in a museum somewhere!  Honestly you know people find your situation strange when a movie uses it as a punchline like “the forty year old virgin” and no I haven’t seen the movie it would just make me sad 🙂

Though there are challenges with being a forty year old virgin I accept it as God’s Will and He gives me strength.  This wasn’t always true because being single seemed like a curse in my twenties, particularly since all of my friends were in serious relationships or getting married.  More than once I asked God why He chose me for this “burden of singleness” in my younger years but never really expected an answer.

Thankfully God gave me one anyways

It’s easy for a married couple to stand up and tell people their relationships (dating and marriage) are to be a picture of the relationship between Christ and the Church, so instead of selfishly using one another for our own purposes we should minister to one another’s needs.  But the single person can stand up and say “that’s easy for you to say as a married person you don’t know how I feel!”

That’s the thing…I know how they feel

I’ve walked their road, and am still walking it with God’s help

A few months ago I began teaching on relationships in my Churches Friday evening young adults meeting.  One of the foundational points was you shouldn’t date anyone unless they’re someone you feel led to marry.  In other words there was a pre-dating process where you learned about the person in a group setting.  Only after they passed certain prerequisites was the dating process begun…we eventually started referring to this as opening the gate

About the fourth session I told them about a young lady named Tina who I was madly in love with (not her real name, I’ll tell it to you for a million dollars in unmarked bills).  She was an absolutely perfect fit for me with one exception…Tina wasn’t called to missions.  One young man in particular was shocked after learning we didn’t go on a date.  “You didn’t open the gate for her?”  He asked “she may have been willing to become a missionary!”

I explained to him that there was a chance Tina would become a missionary, but personal experience had taught me those kinds of commitments don’t last.  In a deeper sense it’s my belief Tina was God’s Will for another man so I didn’t open the gate.

Please understand I don’t share this for sympathy or matching-making (I’ve got plenty of that trust me!)  Instead I share it because there are many others who God’s called to virginity and singleness.

People who won’t open the gate (even if they REALLY want to) except for the right person

People who find their identity and fulfillment in Christ instead of the self-esteem or intimacy of others

People who know how it feels…and can share with younger singles not only the struggles but God’s grace

They day may come when God opens the door for marriage, but if He doesn’t that’s okay.  Because the world needs to see Believers who walk the road of virginity with submission and courage.

The Power of asking “What do you think that means?”

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A few weeks ago a missions team came to Barrouallie to run a fee health-clinic during the day, and then VBS at night.  After seeing one of the doctors people would walk down to the pharmacy (located at Church) and wait for their prescription to be filled.  I was lucky enough to be one of the counselors who witnessed to people while they waited for their prescriptions, and had many conversations that went something like this.

Me:  To you who is Jesus?

Them:  He is God’s Son

Me:  Do you have any spiritual beliefs?

Them:  Yes I believe Jesus died for me

Me:  Do you believe in Heaven and hell?

Them:  Of course!

Me:  If you died today where would you go?

Them:  Heaven!

Me:  Okay if God asked why He should let you into Heaven what would you tell Him

Them:  (looking at the floor) I don’t know

It was really interesting seeing the confident look on their face suddenly change when I asked why God would let them into Heaven.  In some cases they told me things like good works, loving Jesus, or going to church would save them.  Others answered my question about where they would go after death with “I hope Heaven/guess Heaven.”  And in my three days of counseling about ten told me clearly they would go to Hell.

As one after another individual displayed confidence til those last two questions a thought occurred to me.  These people KNOW the right answers Biblically, but they haven’t THOUGHT ABOUT that truth, or applied it to our lives.  This became apparent when I started reading Romans 3:23 and Romans 6:23 to them, both verses that pretty much everyone knew by heart.  However when I asked them “what do you think that means?” Suddenly a look of confusion mixed with panic came on their face followed by lots of uh’s and um’s.

I must admit using questions to make them think about Scripture (and illustrate their wrong beliefs) became way too much fun…especially when we got to John 3:3

John 3:3   Jesus answered and said unto him, Verily, verily, I say unto thee, Except a man be born again, he cannot see the kingdom of God 

Me:  (after reading the verse) how does a person become born again?

Them:  (with confidence) be baptized!

Me:  (with a confused look) wait a minute…if I become baptized does that change my heart?

Them:  (looking at the floor) no

Notice in these situations I haven’t really told them what to believe because in all honestly they know the Scripture.  So instead I am (with the Lords help) making them stop and think about those Scriptural truths.  The thing is for many unsaved people giving the right answer is something automatic, like press a button and the verse is quoted.  Yet that truth hasn’t impacted their lives or hearts which is why when somebody asks a question they panic.

But there is a deeper reason why I enjoy asking these questions.  It keeps us from having an argument.  Now to be honest I’m one of those people who loves to argue (I prefer the term “debate”) about things with friends in a good-natured way.  However when sharing the Gospel the unsaved person under conviction will be desperate to argue about something other than the Gospel.  Take this conversation for instance.

Me:  How does a  person become born again?

Them:  Be baptized!

Me:  You know according to John 3:3 that’s incorrect (read Scripture)

Them:  Well that’s your interpretation!

Do you see how asking a simple question makes a world of difference?  Now it isn’t me telling them what to believe but the Holy Spirit of God revealing His truth to their hearts 

Of course it’s necessary to give some insight into the Scriptures but even then leading questions me can be used

  • Romans 3:23 What did God do after Adam and Eve sinned? (he threw them out of the garden)
  • Why did He do that?  (God is perfect, and anyone near Him must be perfect)
  • Romans 6:23 If I bring you a birthday present and make you pay $20 for it is that a present (no!) why not?  (You sold me my birthday present!)
  • If God let me know Heaven because I read my Bible would it be a gift? (No)

Obviously  these questions won’t bring the perfect answer every time.  Yet I would much rather an individual stops and thinks about the truths of Scripture than argue with me in circles for an hour.

The Ugly Side of the Island

  
One of the greatest things about living in Barrouallie is the breathtaking views you can enjoy every day, particularly at sunset.  In a way these pictures illustrate what people think about when I tell them I’m called by God to serve as a Missionary in the Carribean.  Automatically they envision me sitting on a white sandy beach drinking a glass of pineapple juice and”suffering for Jesus.”
While those gorgeous pictures describe the island, there’s another part to it that’s quite ugly 

  1. Children have no fathers and teenage mothers so they’re pretty much allowed to run wild.  It’s been said that some drop their bags somewhere after school, then spend the night with friends (not family) and pick their bags up on the way back to school in the morning
  2. Extreme poverty so that for some people thieving (stealing) is a normal way of life
  3. Young women not having a father often look to men in town for security and end up in an abusive relationship 
  4. The lack of men who are willing to take responsibility also means few strong role models
  5. And there are times of year such as “carnival” are completely given over to immorality and selfish desires

The truth is this contrast of beauty and ugliness is pretty constant.  A friend of mine from a nearby island jokingly says that after taking one of those gorgeous sunset photos he’s tempted to take a picture of what’s behind him as well (never looks as good).  Likewise while that sunset is uploaded to Instagram I can easily see poverty, abusive relationships, and an immoral culture.

This contrast creates a real delemna for me because I want to share both sides of the island, but find myself only sharing it’s beauty.  This is partly because sharing too many of the struggles will make it seem as if I’m complaining or develop an attitude of bitterness in my heart.   In a deeper sense though this comes from a belief that people don’t need to see the ugly side…and the Lord has shown me that’s a sin against Him.

The greatest danger in only sharing the beautiful side of Barrouallie is it gives people the wrong idea about missions.   We believe it’s all going to be good times with gorgeous sunsets, and then are shocked when things don’t go well.

  1. Like the Sunday less than ten people come to hear the message you spent hours preparing
  2. Or kids break into your house and and stole a tablet (got it back the next day)
  3. And you put lots of work into an outreach ministry but nobody comes
  4. Or the school principal who three-months ago promised to let you volunteer there continues to delay things 

In moments like this it’s easy to wonder if we are indeed called by God because missions isn’t supposed to be this way.  I mean where’s the white sandy beach and pineapple juice?  And that’s why as a Missionary it’s part of my responsibility to “pull back the curtain” and let you see the islands ugly side.  

You will cry

You will get angry

You will wonder if God really wanted you there

But that’s okay…because in those moments God gives grace 

In a way sharing the islands ugly side gives God greater glory because He gives the strength to face that ugliness with courage and humility.  So yes it’s okay to take a picture of that amazing sunset, just make sure you notice the extreme poverty surrounding it too.