Month: January 2016

A few years ago I began meeting with High School seniors in local High Schools for mentoring and one of them was a boy we will call “Dave” (not his real name).  Dave and I had lots of fun together because we both loved to talk and be really loud; a few times they even had to come down from the office and ask us to be quieter  🙂

One week Dave was strangely silent…I tried to get him to open up because something was obviously on his mind but he wouldn’t talk.  Finally as our session ended I asked if there was anything he wanted to talk about.  “Yea man” he said slowly while picking at a piece of the desk in front of him “how did you ask a girl out?”

Like many shy teenagers Dave had never been on a date before, and had become smitten with a girl, but didn’t know what to do about it.  We laughed a bit about his coming to me for  relationship advice (a single man in his late thirties) but then he asked “so how do I do it?”

Looking into his desperately lonely eyes was a frightening moment for me.  Not because I didn’t have a lot of experience with relationships, but because I didn’t have an answer for the questions that started pouring out.

1. How do I let her know  like her?
2. What should the first date be like?
3. How many dates should we go on till its a serious relationship?
4. Should I text her, and how often?
5. What if her friends don’t like me?

The truth is even the couple that’s been married for many years would struggle answering these questions because things have changed A LOT since they were in High School!  The real problem here is there isn’t a Biblical roadmap for relationships.  Obviously there are principles of Scripture that are helpful,but the Bible doesn’t say “thou shalt declare the fourth coffee a date.”

While the relationship conversation with Dave was a bit awkward, I thank God for it because that forced me to start asking myself some of those questions.  And more importantly wrestling with them using Scripture.  In that moment my theology of relationships began.

Now that may sound weird but basically a theology of relationships means studying male and female relationships in an organized way using Scripture.   It began as a way to make sure the next time I was asked a relationship question my response wouldn’t be a “deer in the headlights look”, but eventually it helped me view all relationships Biblically. 

I do still see the humor of God leading a single male who has been called to singleness and celibacy (virginity) to create a Biblical view of relationships.  But the truth is each of have to wrestle with those hard relational questions.  Because although the Lord hasn’t given us a step by step process of relationships, He has provided Christians who can become faithful guides.

After being on the island over four months I’ve gotten used to pretty much everything here.  In fact there’s only one part of Barrouallie life that strikes fear into my heart…and that’s the driving.

The good news for me is it’s almost impossible to get lost in St. Vincent since there’s only one main road.  The bad news is that roads are a lot smaller than American ones, and the fact that they are doing construction makes them even smaller!

To be honest I’m getting a lot better at my island driving so most times I can get from one place to another without making a fool of myself.  However if I have to back up (sometimes its necessary to back down a road when another vehicle is approaching)  my driving resembles that of your ninety year old blind grandmother.

Last October the Lord used a simple trip to the grocery store to illustrate just how much driving in St. Vincent affected me.  I went with a friend to get some groceries and his cousin was there so we decided to give him a ride home.  Everything was fine on the way home with our groceries till my friend told me I had to back up a road in order to drop his cousin off.  What followed was one of the worst driving experiences of my life resulting in lots of anger and frustration

From that point on my greatest fear was having to back down or up a road to the point where I would literally pray before turning the van keys “Lord please don’t let anyone be coming down this road!”

Of course sometimes God doesn’t answer our prayers for our own good 🙂

Last Sunday afternoon there was a large funeral in town and people quickly ran out of places to park so by the time I went to pick up Church members a very long line of vehicles had parked along the main road. This meant you could barely get one vehicle through at a time.

On the way back things had gotten much worse because a truck had parked the wrong way (facing traffic) so it had to be moved before anybody else was able to do anything.  After lots of arguing in Vicentian, I was forced to back up pretty much blind (being directed by those in the back seat) and reveal to dozens of island people my horrible driving skills.

Now if I had faced a situation like this in October my response would have been to calmly lock the van, and then run for my life!  But Sunday night I was able to keep myself calm in a very stressful situation as vincentians commented on my driving in extremely colorful language.

What made the difference?

I had done it before.

See I still pray that vehicles won’t be coming when the engine starts, but I’ve also faced my fear of backing down tight roads, and got better at it every time.

There will probably come a day when island driving doesn’t bring stress (probably about twenty years) but I’m incredibly thankful that God forces me to face my worst nightmare.  Because it’s facing it and living that helped me keep calm on Sunday.